I am Irina. Not enough said though. Irina Maria Tracy. Writer. Published writer. No matter how hard I try I find it difficult to define myself. At least in words. I can define characters, situations, even create a fictional world from A to Z but still, I can’t define myself. Which makes me wonder if us, the authors, tend to lose ourselves while we write our stories.
Maybe in order to define a completely new world, with new people and new rules, one doesn’t just tend to lose themselves but they have to do so. Maybe if they don’t do so, they can’t fill themselves with all the new concepts and feelings discovered while writing the stories. It is somehow logical and even justified to put ourselves aside when we write a novel and free the space we need for our characters. It is, ultimately, the way authors belong to their readers just like the books they write. So, with that being said, I find it hard to fill the “about you” boxes that are the first thing required to fill on the online profiles I create. It is like I am supposed not just to know myself, but to know myself so good, that I can actually sum up my existence and features in a tiny little box with maybe 200 signs available to use even if some sites offer as little as 50 of those. Scary. At least for me. How much of our own existence do we actually dedicate to our characters, except the actual time spent writing, of course? Probably a lot more than we actually are aware of. In one of my books, I had a challenged character, Christine, who kept me awake many nights trying to figure out what’s in her head. What does she want me to put on paper about her and what is the message she expects me to deliver? I know, sounds a little paranoid to think of a character this way, like it is somehow possessing you and hunting your peace at night. Well, eventually I finished the book which can now be found on Amazon under the title “Adverbs of love”, and slept around 48 hours, with some breaks in which I needed food…I am only human after all. What if, under the illusion of losing ourselves in the pages of our books, we are actually finding our true, inner spirit with each character we create? Maybe.
So, under this logic I discovered while I was writing this introductory text: Hello, I am Irina and I am a writer. (Too much like the Alcoholics Anonymous intro formula? Well, the only difference between writers and alcoholics is that writers don’t really care about being cured.)