Arguing is an art, at least, the right way of doing it is and when it doesn’t reach the artistic level, it becomes white, blind rage. Problems are part of life and disappointments are creating voids that only miracles can fill back up and even for them it takes some time. But maybe there is an easier way to deal with such things. Maybe all the dramatic sparkles can be avoided all together and replaced with something more rational and ultimately healthier. If a fight can never be pleasant, there are certain ways to make it as safer as possible and one of these ways is generating the right attitude. Yes, I know how simple it sounds but how many times did we regret things we said when spirits got wild that we could never take back? Many! And how many times beautiful relationships ended because a stupid argument that didn’t even need to happen in the first place? Many! Here is a nice, effective strategy to live without such consuming regrets and move past any argument with a sane mind:
When things get out of hands, someone is always mean and our goal is not to be that someone. It is time for us to listen to what the other person has to say, reproach or accuse us of in order to understand their position before we have a position ourselves. Listening is a great skill and we can make it work in our favor if we apply it at the right time as there is a time to listen and there is a time to talk. If we remain silent it doesn’t mean that we are weak or guilty of something. Sometimes, it simply means we don’t want to speak before we process and sort out our thoughts right and silence in such moments is truly golden. Once we gathered enough information about the situation we find ourselves in, we are ready for the next step.
If we stay and try to fix the problems on the spot, the situation might get out of control and we end up with exactly the opposite result. This kind of phase will never lead us to a solution. Plus, it is hard to hear our own thoughts when the other person is yelling all sort of things assuming that we were wise enough to remain silent through all of it. It is close to impossible to know the right approach toward a situation like that when we are in the middle of it. Therefore, we need the space to meditate on the matter. We need to spend some time alone with our thoughts and probably mixed feelings and sort things out. By doing so, we will be able to correctly identify our place and role in the matter as well as our position and we will be less likely to get influenced by whatever new argument might come our way.
Now that we remained silent, took the distance we needed and put our thoughts in order, it is time to sketch some attitude that will see us through the main problem that started all this process. Once we know our attitude toward a situation, being it a fight or an embarrassing event, we will be able to go back to it and handle it like a real master. Yes, that means it is time to deal with the problem that started all this process, again. Distance doesn’t solve anything unless it is a bridge between chaos and the right attitude which does resolve problems, arguments and even extreme fights.
Applying these 3 steps whenever we find ourselves trapped into a fight will forever change not only the way we deal with crisis but also our relationships with others which should be based on mutual respect, understanding and love.