“I wonder how all these humans pass through life without being afraid of death. Afraid of becoming nothing or something completely different to their actual nature, that fulfilled their existence as humans. It is to me, terrifying and so hard to conceive that I find myself crying at night in the most dramatic way, at only the thought that one day, I will not be part of this whole thing we commonly call “world”. Even those with strong faith, directed to a god or a demon, should be afraid of such a sudden ending to a form of existence that might be also the only form. Even those who believe in the immortality of their souls…souls that are so different without a hosting body, without material senses and feelings. Without matter at all, a soul is something so abstract, that I find it hard to accept and prefer to my human existance.
Especially at night, when the world is sleeping. All of it, in all its forms. When I am awake, scared, abused by my own ghosts, trying desperately to discover a shade of light in the deepest form of darkness, I panic. I freeze along with my thoughts, the ones that don’t let my heart rest in peace, not even now, when I am nothing but a monster. I don’t like this description but it is probably the most realistic one. As a monster, I am not human, but I am not the divine form that human souls embrace after death, or they hope they will do. I pass by each one of you every evening, unnoticed, unseen, unfelt. I observe you, learn to be like you again. I am a bystander of a world that rejected me as much as I would have loved to be part of it like I used to be. I am afraid of you more than you are of me. I know you exist; but you will never be sure I do too. However, if you would believe a little more in monsters like me, you wouldn’t hesitate to ruin us. To apply all the legends that guided you along the centuries in matters of destroying a vampire and, if possible, all their species. I guess that makes sense, you destroy us before we destroy you. Isn’t it how it works with everything you don’t understand? Even with ghosts. As soon as a house is supposed to be hunted, you call all your religious army to exorcise it, to clean all the other forms of existence out of it, all of those that are not same as you: human. Demons are condemned with no right to defend themselves, in the name of a God you believe in so strongly, so blindly but so radically that everything that contradicts it must vanish. I guess that makes sense. It’s a form of fear, and at that level I can really understand you. Happy those who don’t know much, or anything at all. Those who can’t understand and don’t even try to understand beyond their daily life concerns, as minimalist as they are.”