Living And Writing

Posts tagged ‘death’

I am whatever you say I am


You can call me obsolete, because I still love radio theater when there are movies like Avatar…

You can condemn me for loving the smell of old books that I can only find in big libraries…

You can say I am boring for listening to Mozart … or for feeling happy when I listen to Bach even if everyone thinks his music is sad…

You can call me crazy when I agree with Nietzsche because I also think “God died!”

You can say I am just as abstract as Christine Angot is in her books…but I am more than that.

You can accuse me for being immature because I still enjoy “Beauty and the Beast” or “Anastasia”

You can call me insane because I believe in spirits, death, ghosts…and I believe we create our own hell or heaven….if you would only know…

You can even say I am insensitive because I don’t care about your idea of love…as you have no idea what love means.

You can say that I am arrogant because I condemn without mercy whatever I consider to be stupid…

You can say I am ugly because I don’t spend my free time in beauty shops or buying expensive clothes just to be “cool” in the eyes of every ignorant person I might meet

You can say I am a lonely person because once in a while I throw my phone away and just lock myself in my room, listening to my music and reading my books….careless for anything else.

You can call me a bitch because I kick people out of my life in a second if they walked over my pride …as all my pride is all I have.

You can say I am a stupid dreamer for giving all my heart just once in a lifetime, and taking all the risks for that…yes I know it might kill me but it seems like a good way to go…

You can believe I am vulnerable … but that would be your biggest mistake😐

You can call me insane because I would give all I have for just 1 hour on another galaxy.

And you know what? You can say everything you want, as long as you will never understand that there is more to life than money, sex, greed….as you will never know how it feels like to stand in front of a huge library and feel so small…as you will never feel how is like to be capable to give your life away for the one you love…as you will never ever look to the stars feeling frustrated cause you will never reach them. I’ll be nothing like Joseph K. was in „The Trial” as I will never chase your reasons, accusations or judgements…as I raise more questions in your mind than a Kafka’s character.

Letter from eternity


I am one of those creature that can’t define themselves. I can’t think of myself or see myself in any mirror or surface and I have just my inner world. As much as I would like to invite you inside this inner world I have, it is something that most of you fear and some of you question. Everything was darkness to me, inside and outside my being and all around me. Until I fell in love with one of you. Love is the gate that opens a world full of wonders-your world. Through love I was blessed and welcomed to Heaven. And through love I was saved of my own curse.

I am one of a kind and will forever be this way. I was never born and I will never die. I suppose I was created somewhere outside the boundaries of time and space. I am made of darkness and nothingness and in spite of my selfish nature, I have the capacity to feel. Imagination becomes a challenged territory when something undefined like me is capable of such emotions like love. Inside the temple I exist in, where is my home and my grave, I see faces and hear voices but I never let any of them affect me, penetrate the dark canvas that protects me. Until that morning when she came in my temple. I will keep her name secret until the time is right. I wanted to take her right there, inside the church, and keep her to myself for eternity. But it wasn’t the right time and it wasn’t the right place to make my presence known in front of her blue, childish eyes. I knew from the first breath she took inside my temple, that she is the one who is supposed to teach me how to love.

Ironically, you all know me. You all hate me and fear me and try to avoid me all your life through stupid protection methods that more often than not make me smile. When time is right, I will meet every single one of you. I will look into your eyes and I will make you join my world. And there will be no negotiation. Just acceptance and a world of silence.



“The Haunted Church”


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